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Purdue Pete Arrested

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Gonna needs those keys to get out of jail, big guy.

Maryland v Purdue Photo by Justin Casterline/Getty Images

Yes, this is a real story:

Joseph Desmond, a senior in the Krannert School of Management and Purdue Pete, was arrested on multiple charges at McDonald’s at 605 W. Stadium Ave around 2 a.m. Oct. 11, according to a probable cause affidavit filed today.

Look, I know COVID has us all a little stir crazy this year, but can’t we all just have a few beers, get a burger, and live in peace? There is no need to start some shit at the McDonald’s on Stadium. dammit!

Desmond said he had walked to the restaurant from his apartment on Littleton Street and thought he was at a McDonald’s in Chauncey Village, per the affidavit.

YOU’RE NOT EVEN AT THE RIGHT MCDONALD’S, MY DUDE!

He reported having consumed seven beers while golfing and then going to Harry’s Chocolate Shop around 11 p.m. where he said he had approximately four mixed drinks, although he couldn’t remember exactly how much he had had to drink, documents state.

Now that is a day of drinking. My goodness!

Thankfully, everyone is relatively okay and police were able to avert a tragedy, but my goodness, Pete went on a bender.