Interviews with the Enemy: A Q&A with Corn Nation

Sorry for the delay this week, but our weekly interview with an opposing blogger is back! This week we have the entire staff of Corn Nation answering my questions about the Cornhuskers:

1. Neither team is in a great place right now injury-wise. Who is out for Nebraska and how is it a factor?

Ranchbabe (Jill): All three of our top quarterbacks are hobbled a bit. One of them has to be healthy, eventually, right? (It doesn’t really matter how any of them play because there are so many other deficits.) Our offensive line seems to be getting better (spoiler: “better” does not mean “good”). Yay for us. The defense is getting worse (not injury related - more of a trust and scheme thing). Our field goal kicker is finally healthy enough to appear in a game (we’ve gone down to our 3rd or 4th string kickers due to injury) but he missed his only attempt...so there’s that. Indiana hates us for DIRESPEKT and...I got nothing else. This is a bad football team that is injured but would be bad anyway.

Jon: Are we talking about physical injuries, or are we talking about the injury of “notgiveafuckedness”? The former Scott Frost refuses to talk about them, so they or may not exist. The latter appears to exist and be fairly contagious.

Paul: Basically anyone who can score points on offense is injured. Which has led to proving certain things that have previously just been assumed true: To wit, a QB and a kicker are not optional members of a team.

Andy: Adrian Martinez is saying that he’s 100% ready to go and if that’s the case, I’m among those who think it’s the 1st time all year that’s been the case. All I know is they better talk to Ray Lewis and Hunter S Thompson’s corpse or whoever the hell can get them some deer antler spray or Bulgarian moose testosterone and get these sumbitches at full speed again. These are SERIOUS times and we need to man up pharmaceutically.

2. Statistically both teams are similar. Neither can stop the run. They give up roughly the same amount of points. They give up roughly the same amount of yards. Who has the advantage?

Jill: NEBRASKA IS BETTER OF COURSE!!! (obligated to say that, I think). 5 Nashnul champeenships...something….something...oh hell, what was the question?

Jon: I am old, going blind and deaf. I read this as “Satanically both teams are similar.” I thought - “no, no, they’re not”. Purdue has Pete and that’s about as Satanic as you can get. I can only imagine the stories Purdue fans tell when they stare too long into that void. We have nothing like that at Nebraska.

Paul: I adamantly disagree with Jon here. While Pete’s obvious steroid abuse is concerning, as the soulless spawn of Lucifer and a farm wife from Dannebrog, Lil’ Red is evil incarnate.

Andy: Piss on that gawd nonsense. Let’s talk serious football here. Nebraska has the better team but Purdue has the advantage because we are cursed. I thought maybe Dan “I Caught SMU” Beebe paid some Hatians to stick pins in an Osborne beanie baby but the natives would have thrown his pale ass back into the Caribbean. No the curse comes from a much darker place than 4-eyed slack-jawed failed commissioners. Kirk Ferentz’ soul belongs to Chthulu when he dies.

3. Year two of Scott Frost and year three of Jeff Brohm are not going as planned. Purdue fans are resting in the number of freshmen playing. What gives you solace about Frost?

Jill: He is the chosen one who is a NEBRASKA GUY. He can get Grant Wistrom to come beat up misbehaving players by just summoning him with a blackshirt projected up into the sky. But he did yell at his players last weekend and even said a naughty word on national TV. I’m sure Dr. Tom made Frost do extra stairs for that on Sunday, so we’ll let it go for now. But if he swears in front of the media again...all bets are off.

Paul: Frost is feeling the pressure from Fred Hoiberg. Nebrasketball went on the road and destroyed Doane last night. Can Frost do that? I think not. I rest my case. That didn’t really answer you question, but I wanted to get it in somewhere.

Andy: Well, Year 3 of Brohm is not going as planned because it’s Year 3 of Brohm at Purdue and not Year 1 at Louisville. Year 2 of Scott Frost is going exactly as planned because voluntary strength and conditioning, horrid O-line coaching, Bob Diaco, and “Aw shucks, don’t worry about that blown rugby tackle, son, here have another pink star sticker” don’t get fixed in 2 years.

4. It’s BIG NUDE SATURDAY. How can Purdue and Nebraska make FOX’s BIG NUDE SATURDAY the BIGGEST, NUDEST SATURDAY?

Jill: I feel obligated to channel my inner Cobby (Corn Nation’s drunk mascot who hasn’t figured out he’s fired and won’t leave the office) and type in all caps...ALL THE TURNOVERS

Jon: A Cheez-It Bowl game full of interceptions all around would be fun for everyone. It would be a different sort of fun - everyone would be laughing and enjoying themselves because it’s not the same old “punt back and forth” thing the Big Ten does so well. Here’s to interceptions!

Paul: My “Nebraska can’t stop stepping on it’s own johnson” catchphrase is somehow even more relevant. (ED Note: Don’t let this find its way to your Rivals board because referencing stepping on one’s genitals violates the VERY SERIOUS BUSINESS that is commentating about college football).

Andy: I’m just grabbing my iPad and putting together a GIF and video “playlist” for big NUDE Saturday. If I drink a little less on Friday, there’s a light hook who makes me call her Carl who’ll dress up like Mark Mangino and come over and yell at me. Let’s do this.

5. How does the Nebraska pass defense stack up against a Purdue passing game that has really only been slowed by weather?

Jill: The Huskers actually have two very good corners who seem to be hampered by (depending on who you ask)...injuries to safeties...terrible defensive coordinator...bad technique… Whether those two good cornerbacks can cover all the Purdue receivers (my math is rusty, but I’m guessing even without Rondale, there might be two or more…) Nevermind. I don’t like math anymore. What was the question?

Jon: HAHAHAHAHAH PASS DEFENSE. I HATE YOU. You know what’s funny? Minnesota decided to run the ball down our throats and they succeeded. Then Indiana decided to throw the ball and they succeeded. Perhaps this weekend we will be good at pass defense, like an even-odd-even type of thing. Or maybe we’re just bloody terrible. What was the question?

Paul: Good thing the weather in Lincoln is always shitty. Problem is the games in Indiana.

Andy: Our fall’s are beautiful, so stop saying that. And not because recruits might be reading it. And if recruits are reading this, DM me. I got a girl named Carl who will make your freshman year memorable in an affordable way.

6. How do you see Saturday playing out?

Jill: I think the SDSU (NOT SDSt like ESPN insists) Jackrabbits bounce back after losing the Dakota Marker to the NDSU Bison. They pummel Missouri State by at least 20 points. I AM NOT AVOIDING THE QUESTION.

Jon: I’ve recently gone back to Vodka. Cheap vodka, too. I go into the store and I think, “How much do I hate myself right now” and I see the $5.99 Smirnoff and think, “That’s for me”. I try not to hit the same store in consecutive days. If you do, you get that look from the clerk that says, “this guy is a felon”. Not yet, lady, but soon. If you are over 35 years old and you’re still drinking Karkov or Smirnoff on a Saturday, things have not gone well for you. You could probably say that about all Vodka, but people like to pretend they’re better, buying Grey Goose, but let’s face it, if you’re on Vodka, you are not better than anyone else. Saturday, I see more Vodka. I AM NOT AVOIDING THE QUESTION.

Paul: Nebraska Volleyball sweeps Rutgers. I AM NOT AVOIDING THE QUESTION.

Andy: Well, Jon’s just outed himself as a dirty commie, but I’ll allow Comrade’s vodka fetish since it’s not laced with every damned fruit and candy like these WOO-HOO gals and dainty gentlemen with pinkies extended enjoy. Rum for me, dammit. What was the question? Oh yeah - Purdue 36 Huskers 23