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The 5 Stages of Purdue Loss

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I went through a lot of emotions in Ross-Ade on Saturday. Let’s talk about them.

NCAA Football: Michigan at Purdue Brian Spurlock-USA TODAY Sports

To say I went through a roller coaster of emotions on Saturday in Section 113 would be an understatement. If any of you were unfortunate enough to follow me on Twitter, you could see my frustration as the 2nd half unfolded. Even though Michigan is my #2 team, I really wanted Purdue to win because I love this team more than I ever will love the maize and blue.

I originally wanted to write a postmortem like post after sitting on this loss for a few days, but I figured my words there would be no different than everyone else’s analysis. So instead, I’m going to sum up my emotions during the 2nd half of the Purdue game using the well known 5 Stages of Grief and Loss. I am switching around Anger and Bargaining for this post to better represent how I felt on Saturday:

Denial

(6:32 left in 3rd quarter. O’Korn escapes a sack on 3rd down, pass complete for 1st down.)

Oh God. Oh no. That did not just happen. There’s no way we not only missed sacking O’Korn near the red zone, but they got a big first down gain on that play? His knee must have hit the ground maybe? Or maybe an elbow? No no no no no no. This is new Purdue. The Old Purdue of Hope and Hazell is behind us. This can’t be happening.

(Ref throws flag for targeting.)

Oh great, a targeting call. This is happening, isn’t it? The dam is going to spill any moment. No, it can’t happen. Purdue still has the lead and Michigan’s offense is still Michigan’s offense. They have their flaws. They can’t score here.

(Touchdown Michigan, they lead 14-10).

Bargaining

Well, I will give up that touchdown if the offense comes out and responds with one of their own. They had no trouble driving up the field after Michigan’s first touchdown. Surely, they can repeat that here, right?

(Purdue goes 3 and out, prepares to punt)

Well maybe we go 3 and out, but I’ll take it if something goes against Michigan on this punt. Or maybe the defense gets a turnover.

(Joe Schopper gets roughed on the punt, flags are thrown).

HUZZAH! FINALLY SOMETHING GOES OUR WAY! Let’s just hope Purdue can drive down the field and...

Referee: “Running into punter, defense, 5-yard penalty, repeat 4th down.”

Anger

WHAT THE F***Y F*** BULLS*** CALL WAS THAT YOU F***ING ZEBRAS?!?! DID HARBAUGH BUY YOU SOME FANCY A** KHAKIS AT MEIJER INSTEAD OF THOSE WAL-MART ONES. WHAT THE DAMN HELL. I WILL COME DOWN THERE AND WILL FIGHT YOU. I’LL SHOW YOU WHAT ROUGHING THE KICKER LOOKS LIKE ON YOU.

(Following drive, Michigan gets another touchdown and leads 21-10. Purdue gets the ball back, goes 3 and out, punts).

WHAT THE DAMN HELL. WHAT KIND OF HORSE CRAP IS THIS. WHERE IS THE NEW PURDUE I WAS PROMISED.

(Purdue player hits Michigan player well out of bounds, flags are thrown.)

OH FOR F***S SAKE, NOW YOU TACKLE A MICHIGAN PLAYER. BUT MAYBE NEXT TIME TRY TACKLING THEM WHEN THEY’RE STILL ON THE FIELD.

(Michigan scores again, leads 28-10)

Depression

I’m just going to sit here. I can’t say any more. This sucks. This loss hurts. I know Purdue put up a fight in the first half, but it came apart so quickly starting in the 3rd quarter. Where’s the progress? I don’t want another moral victory because of one half of football, I saw enough of those the last 8 years. The team fell apart. It felt like old Purdue.

(Game ends, Michigan wins 28-10. I stay in my seat and stare into the abyss.)

I need food. I need alcohol. I’m hurt.

(Goes to Mad Mush. Looks across the street.)

That’s a long line at Harry’s. But I really want a drink there...

(Waits in Harry’s line for an hour)

Ugh, this better be worth it. Jake’s sucks now. I’m not in the mood for the other bars here. I guess this is my only option now.

Acceptance

(Immediately grabs a bag of popcorn. Goes to bar and immediately orders a Long Island. Table opens up right away. Sits down and drinks.)

Maybe we just needed a reality check. This team still has to grow, and they still showed progress on the field today. Michigan is extremely talented, especially on defense, and they finally found their quarterback (with some help from Purdue). Can’t expect the defense to hold when they’re on the field all game. They did the best they could.

(Iowa loses to Penn State on last second touchdown pass. There’s a collective “OOOOOOOOOH!” throughout Harry’s.)

Well, it clearly wasn’t the weekend for upsets within the Big Ten, and I think I’m okay with that.

This isn’t a moral victory, but they have some momentum, and an off-week should help. A bowl game is still within reason, but no game will be easy. Brohm has this team moving up. Let’s play football.

Also, Long Islands and Baltimore Zoos are delicious.