It has been many moons since we have last uttered the word “Spoilermaker”. Within the last 4 years, the idea of Purdue even being the Spoilermakers again has brought ridicule and laughter from our Big Ten brethren (except Ohio State, of course, as most OSU fans will still hide under a rock whenever they hear a train whistle, or are reminded of any postseason game against Clemson).
But who can blame the CFB crowd for laughing at us whenever they hear the word “Spoilermaker”? Purdue hasn’t defeated a ranked opponent since 2011. Even then, that #23 Illinois team was in the middle of a six game losing streak and fired Zook at the end of the season. If we only count teams Purdue defeated that were also ranked at the end of the season, that would make the 2009 Ohio State team the last ranked team Purdue defeated (I should probably mention this post might be NSFB (Not Safe For Buckeyes)). While there have been a few close calls (Michigan State in 2014 & 2015), and a few pseudo-Spoilermakers-lite (Nebraska 2015), we have yet to see the Spoilermakers of old in the last 7 seasons.
With the Brohm Squad in town, everyone is feeling a little optimistic coming into fall. Perhaps it is all just talk, just like with Hazell; but I think we have reason to believe that Brohm will make this team work harder and improve this program. Even though the 2017 team is projected to finish with another losing record, I think Brohm will get this team fired up and battle until the final whistle is blown. I think it’s possible that some teams might overlook Purdue this season, much like Ohio State in 2009 during Danny Hope’s first season, and fall victim to the Spoilermakers.
Below, I will present my Spoilermaker Outlook for most games this season. Full disclosure: these numbers are entirely made up and are not based on anything scientific. Honestly, this is just offseason shitposting and not supposed to be taken seriously. Oh my God, you’re already typing a comment saying how stupid this post is, aren’t you?
With that said, I won’t provide Spoilermaker Outlooks for games against Ohio, Missouri, Minnesota, Rutgers, Illinois, and Northwestern. Unless these teams are ranked whenever Purdue plays them, there’s no need to consider wins against them as upsets. Let’s save the Spoilermakers for the big games.
Louisville: There’s a high probability that Lamar Jackson and Petrino will violate the 8th Amendment in the season opener. However, I think there’s still a small chance for some Spoilermakers. Louisville ended the season poorly with losses to Kentucky and LSU. The Cardinals had to sit on those losses for months, which could make them famishing for a win, or somehow still hungover. In addition, Brohm could have the Boilermakers come out swinging as soon as the whistle blows, catching Louisville off-guard. If Brohm’s offense finds its footing early, this game could turn into a shoot-out. But as our resident ACC expert and Clemson fan pointed out: “Petrino loves shootouts as much as he loves interns.” Spoilermaker Outlook: 20%
Michigan: The Wolverines have been excellent under Harbaugh and are poised to dominate the college football landscape. However, Michigan lost many players to graduation and the NFL Draft, especially on defense with only two starters returning and a depleted secondary. Of course, when one of those starters was the top recruit in the 2016 class, it’s not a bad place to start. Combine that with one of the best defensive coordinators in the nation, and Michigan could have another powerful defensive unit. However, there are still glaring questions and uncertainties when it comes to Michigan’s defense this season. The question is not if Michigan will have a great defense this year, but when. It is possible that their defense shuts down Florida (again) to start the season, but it is also possible that their young defense will need some playing time before they reach their potential. If this game was in October or November, I would be less optimistic, but Purdue gets Michigan early on in the season. If Brohm can get his powerful offensive scheme to work, the Boilermakers could spread Michigan’s defense thin and score. Of course, I would expect Michigan to counteract with their own offensive weapons, like Wilton Speight, Khalid Hill, Chris Evans, and Eddie McDoooom. This very well could turn into a shoot-out, but we all know what happened the last time Purdue and Michigan got into an offensive battle:
Maybe I’m just being too optimistic and think Michigan’s defense will have its issues until October. Maybe I’m also being a little biased. Oh well. Spoilermaker Outlook: 45%
Wisconsin: I want to find some optimism when Purdue plays the Badgers like I did with Louisville and Michigan. However, history is not on Purdue’s side, as the Boilermakers haven’t defeated Wisconsin since 2003 and have lost 11 straight. For some perspective, Purdue has defeated every Big Ten team at least once since the last time they beat Wisconsin (not counting Maryland and Rutgers). Of course, the last time Purdue had an 11-game losing streak against one team, it was against Notre Dame. That streak came to an end in Joe Tiller’s first season. Maybe Brohm can do the same. Spoilermaker Outlook: 7%
Nebraska: I don’t have much to say other than: remember the last time Nebraska visited Ross-Ade Stadium? I do.
And it’s right around Halloween, just like the 2015 game.
I think Purdue has a shot just because. Also, Nebraska’s corn sucks. Spoilermaker Outlook: 35%
Iowa: They are still Our Most Hated Rivals. We must defeat them and SPOIL their season. Will they be good this season? Maybe. We just need them to suck. Also, Iowa’s corn still sucks. Spoilermaker Outlook: 85%, just because it’s Iowa.
Indiana: First off, I HATE that we even have to consider the chance of Spoilermakers when it comes to that school in Bloomington. But here we are, four years removed from a Bucket win, and IU is now the top football program in the sta...*barfs*. Despite a coaching change, IU still gets 3 non-con games that they should win. I would expect them to come into Ross-Ade with five wins under their belt. And just like the last 2 years, they’ll need to beat Purdue in order to become bowl eligible. Purdue could come in limping into this game, but I think Brohm can get the Boilermakers to fight, end on a high note, and get the Bucket to stay in West Lafayette. It has been a long time since we’ve seen the W flag fly over Ross-Ade Stadium throughout the offseason. Spoilermaker Outlook: 65%