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Our quick and useless analysis on the 13 "Football on BTN" promos

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Because why not.

Pat Lovell-USA TODAY Sports

Illinois:

LOL

Indiana:

Jesus Christ, Kevin, they're minerals.

Iowa:

Hey look, Kirk Ferentz laid another egg.

Maryland

I think Randy Edsall beats Purdue Pete in the "creepy eye stare" category.

Michigan:

This might be the most normal/not crazy thing Harbaugh has done within the last few months. I'm surprised he didn't give his typical stare.

Michigan State:

"This is East Lansing, not to be confused with West Lansing or Ann Arbor." Dantonio is probably just thinking "Why am I doing this?" Though I have to ask, what kind of map projection are they using here? Mercator? Equirectangular? Maybe Michigan GeoRef?

Minnesota:

*Please mention Dilly Bars, please mention Dilly Bars* WHAT THE HELL YOU HAD ONE JOB!

Nebraska:

The balloon must represent Nebraska fans' patience with 9-win seasons.

Northwestern:

Move over, CATS! Pat is bringing his own version to Broadway! This might be the most memorable out of all of these commercials. But it must be asked, does Faux Pelini's cat make a cameo in this video?

Ohio State

Do I make a dildo joke or not? Eh, I have a meeting soon. Moving on.

Penn State

I wonder if Hazell goes through the same struggles every morning when trying to pick out a turtleneck and windbreaker for the day? Speaking of Hazell...

Purdue

In the words of Boiled Sports: CHOO CHOO MUTHAS! Hazell should consider playing trains with Sheldon Cooper. And look we finally toppled Wisconsin! Oh now I'm sad...

Rutgers

Recent studies have found that ancient knights used axes. Also, Kyle Flood is promoting deforestation or something.

Wisconsin

Since I haven't really seen Paul Chryst yet, I thought this was a joke about him being short or something where he's trying to get into the view of a camera that's taller than him.