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A Drinker's Guide to the 2015-16 Purdue football season - The Thundering Herd

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In an attempt to get you through this season safely and with as much manufactured joy as possible, here's a guide to your tailgating needs starting the the Thundering Herd.

Thomas J. Russo-USA TODAY Sports

The 2015-16 season is a dark clouding rolling in over the horizon. (No, not the thundering herd.) The only optimism that can be found is in the delusion that those clouds will clear up and through it sunshine and glory will again seize the day. We're in Indiana, where the weather does change by the minute, but let's be honest. Our football doesn't.

But I don't mean to bog you down with the heaviness of another - likely - losing season. Instead, I wish to be that moment of light. And if not light, then at least give you some ideas on how to weather the storm.

Of course, I'm talking about alcohol. The usual disclaimers apply. Do not drink if you're under 21. We do not endorse it. In fact, we don't endorse any drinking here at H and R. This is all hypothetical and any resemblance towards real people or situations is incidental.

But let's be honest. Like my colleagues stated when I brought the idea up of a drinker's guide - We're gonna need it.

Our season starts in West Virginia, where we will be taking on the Thundering Herd of Marshall.

Important stuff to know in list form:

  • The game kicks off at 3:00 pm, September 6th, on a SUNDAY. This is very important. You know how for the last like 213 years and 23,332 game before we've played on just Saturdays? (Don't talk to me Thursday games.) This one is not like any of those games. It's the day after. The day before you go back to work. (This will come back up in a little bit.) Remember. Sunday. Not Saturday.
  • Seriously. The game is on Sunday.
  • We play two games against Virginia teams, and we have two games planned for not noon, tbd.
  • This game is on the road because Marshall has more clout than us at this point.
  • A quick look at tickets available on ESPN's whatever ticket thing, starts at 46$ a game which indicates that West Virginia might be in a ten year time warp (My travels through the state do not immediately disqualify this notion) that makes them believe Boiler football is still a marquee match up.
  • The Virginia Tech game at Ross-Ade? Yeah, it's lowest tickets are 24$, a nearly fifty percent reduction in demand that Marshall can get for the worst team in the Big Ten coming to town.
  • It's a good time to be a football fan.
So, it's a road game. That means no tailgating. That means there are two options to view the game. In the comfort of your own home, or at some kind of establishment with large, flat screen devices able to transfer sound and video imaging over vast distances at speeds that are mesmerizing to think about. Thankfully, most of these rectangle-box equipped places serve brews and spirits.

A little aside. I'm mostly going to cover home games and what drinks to bring with you tailgating, but the first game of the year is important. It will ultimately lay a foundation for where we will go for the rest of the year. It'll set our sights on the future and whether hope or obliteration is in the future. Whether we're watching football and drinking or drinking while watching football.

So for the first game, there's no specifics. No special recipes, no drink limits. It's the first game, and it'll decide for you.
So I'll just give a few guidelines for the first game of the year.

Again, because I like lists:

  • Know your limits, but if you're going to exceed them, do it now. The weather will be beautiful. The hope might only be alive for a few minutes. If there's ever an excuse or excess, it's the season opener.
  • Find a bar, a loud one, DT Kirbys, or one of the many campus ones. Even a local dive bar - just make sure it's packed, with energy, and a lot of noise. There's time for introspection. There's time for quietly indulging in games, in formations, or revolting against your head coach with a well placed remote into the wall, but this isn't it. This is the first game. The day that college football lives again and it is a time to be merry. So surround yourself with the crazies, the youthful and loud, the old and proud, and rejoice in being unbeaten - for now.
  • Take shots. I'll tell you to avoid them most of the year, but for the most part, the opening week has one or two attractions and the rest is just a sloppy mess. Join them.
  • Stay away from red bull. It's great in theory. Keep your drunk going! A nightmare for bartenders, sure, but it'll keep you coming back for more. BUT IT"S FRICKIN SUNDAY!?!?!?!?!!!!!!! You have to be a responsible adult the next day(I assume) so stay away from the sugar, the cardiac palpitations alone will leave you shaking the next day. A normal hangover will do just fine, don't douse that baby with gasoline. Trust me.

Lastly, whatever you drink or don't drink, enjoy yourself. Even if we don't win a game, there's beauty and hope and good things in just having another season. Remember, we won't always get another one.

Drink of the Week:

Anything, but I know whatever I'm drinking, I'll be toasting to Andy.