I’ve Renewed My Purdue Football Season Tickets!

Morgan Burke probably likes me. With football season ticket sales dwindling to Colletto-esque levels (if not worse) I am an easy sell. I have had a season ticket for every year since 1987 except for 1994, when my sister got married and wedding expenses meant my family sat out for a year. I was 8-years-old during the 1987 season, and I had tickets for all four years as a student and every year since graduating.

I even already renewed for 2015.

So yes, either I am a masochist or I am incredibly loyal, because ol' Morgan has gotten me to renew (with acres of empty seats around me) for now two seasons since the disastrous 1-11 season. I was an easy sell, however. At this point if I don't renew my tickets you can declare me legally dead. For others, it is not so easy, and Purdue is breaking out all the stops to get more butts in the seats:

Lower Prices!

My seats in the touchdown zone are $230 apiece. This is without a donation to John Purdue Club. I don't think you can even look at Ohio Stadium for $224 without a donation, and its capacity is 40,000 more seats than Ross-Ade. These aren't even the cheapest seats at Ross-Ade. You can sit in the North End Zone lower level for $175 for the season and get upper level "Value End Zone" for $98 for 7 games. That's just $14 per game! By comparison, another school that has had trouble selling tickets to their games, Miami, is a minimum $140 per season ticket. How bad is it? EVEN INDIANA CHARGES $301 MINIMUM EACH FOR NON-STUDENTS! Of course, they get Ohio State and Michigan at home, while Purdue's best home game is Nebraska or Virginia Tech.

But wait, there is more!

Season Ticket Holder Watch Party!

Not only do season ticket holders get to drink away their sorrows party in Morgantown on seven football Saturdays, we get a bonus 8^th day! All seasons ticket holders are invited to Ross-Ade on Sunday, September 6 to watch the season opener at Marshall in the South End Zone. Food and drink are available for purchase too! Morgan is supplementing the Ross-Ade improvements one $5 beer at a time.

Proud Boiler Poster!

Since I renewed by April 30, I will get the "Proud Boiler Poster", which is described as:

Fans who renew by April 30 will be contacted to send in a photo of themselves in Purdue apparel and a story of what Boilermaker football means to them. Your photo and story will be turned into a digital poster for you to have as a keepsake.

Good! This means I can describe, in detail, how Purdue football has given me a Niezcheian life view, a drinking problem, and a feeling of hopelessness passed on to my young son! Also, I can expound on how The Fumble shaved five years off my life.

Then again, doesn't Hammer & Rails exist because of all this? Can they fit nine years of an entire blog on a poster?

A Free Purdue Football Mini Helmet!

This could be fun, as I have a mini-helmet already signed by Ryan Kerrigan, Keith Smith, Robert Marve... and Danny Hope. At least I can start over.

Two Free Additional Tickets in the End Zone seats for the September 12 game vs. Indiana State

Since this is likely a game where I will have my parents' Shively Club seats I will now have four tickets for this game. Maybe I can give them away as a blog prize, because they certainly won't sell for anything. This has been a perk for many years, however.

So those are your perks. With lower prices, new swag, and the opportunity to purchase beer as we lose by four touchdowns at home, Purdue is pulling out all the stops and offering everything short of a handjob to buy season tickets. For those REALLY inclined, however, there are more options to spend money.

Shively Stadium Club

For only $1,950 (and a minimum $200 JPC donation) you can have a seat in the Shively Stadium Club! My parents have had these for years and they are quite awesome even if I can't afford them. You get chairbacks, the indoor club area, booze, and who knows what else they are now offering to get people to renew. My dad started getting them as a business expense to share with his partners and eventually just got his own. For over $2,000 per seat to watch the recent versions of Purdue football I would hope that an additional perk is a bottle of scotch, a locker named after you, or Morgan Burke's cell phone number.

Buchanan Club

For the true high roller that wants to spend even more money without having to sit outdoors with the commoners there is the Buchanan Club. This is entirely indoors for $3,950 per seat (plus I believe minimum $500 donation to JPC). With this you get:

• Extra-wide, padded stadium seats with extra leg room and beverage holders
• Exclusive access to the Buchanan Club lounge adjacent to club seating
• Climate-controlled comfort throughout the indoor club seating area and Buchanan Club lounge
• Closed-circuit TV coverage of the games on 26 televisions
• Limited-access elevator from the main entrance
• Complimentary food and beverages
• Exclusive access to a cash bar
• Private restroom facilities for club members
• The right to name Morgan Burke's dog
• No fewer than five (5) players to do yard work for you on a select summer weekend
• The right to have one (1) child have a passing grade in freshman engineering
• Purdue will cover your ACL surgery

Sounds good to me!

Indoor Suites

If the Buchanan Club is a mere pittance to you, you can make it rain (or, for our Canadian alums, make it hail since the Canadian dollar is a coin) with your own personal suite for just $52,500 (non-prime) or $62,500 (Prime) for you and 17 friends. These come with:

• Extra-wide, padded stadium seats with extra leg room and beverage holders
• Climate-controlled comfort throughout the gathering and seating areas in the suite
• Electric windows to control the amount of outdoor exposure and atmosphere
• Closed-circuit TV coverage of the games on 2 televisions
• Elevator access to the suites
• Access to centrally-located restroom facilities
• Access to a centrally-located cash bar and mingling area
• Four season parking passes - allocated based on John Purdue Club membership level
• Eighteen season tickets
• Hookers
• Cristal
• Blackjack dealer
• The Old Oaken Bucket (Not currently available)
• Darrell Hazell's parking spot

So there you have it. Anyone want to chip in for the H&R suite?