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Some Other All-B1G Basketball Awards

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You already know about all the legitimate performance awards, but what about all these ridiculous new awards I just came up with?

All-Name team captain Basil Smotherman in his gold jersey.
All-Name team captain Basil Smotherman in his gold jersey.
Sandra Dukes-USA TODAY Sports

The official All-B1G awards were announced last night, and this morning Travis posted up the SBNation edition of the those same awards. However, while it is nice to reward guys for their abilities and effort on the court, I've decided to hand out some awards for fun stuff that has little to no bearing on the outcome of games. So let's get started, first let me tell you who all voted on this:

A R Holmes-Hammer and Rails

A R Holmes-BTPowerhouse

Wow, that is some quality representation right there.

Teams:

All-Name 1st Team

Basil Smotherman - Purdue

Nnanna Egwu - Illinois

Lourawls 'Tum Tum' Nairn Jr. - Michigan State

Muhammad-Ali Abdur-Rahkman - Michigan

Sanjay Lumpkin - Northwestern

All-Name 2nd Team

Duje Dukan - Wisconsin

Vic Law - Northwestern

Spike Albrecht - Michigan

Bronson Koenig - Wisconsin

Keita Bates-Diop - Ohio State

The conference is filled with interesting names this season, and a lot of them are underclassman, which is great cause that means we get to call a grown man "Tum Tum" for three more years at least. Basil is the captain of this great team and that is 100% bias on my part because he is my favorite Purdue player, at least partially because his name makes me imagine him as a Victorian Era bare-knuckle boxer/Sherlock Holmes villain. Egwu is a fun guy to watch on the court, and I really hope that he has a son and names him Nnanna as well, and that his son has a son he names Batman. Thus making their family tree a reference to a camp TV show no one will remember by the time Batman Egwu is born. Freshman Vic Law earns the honor of the shortest name on the list, primarily because his name sounds like something you would call the main character in a 90's video game about cops.

All-Dunk Team

Jon Octeus - Purdue

Dez Wells - Maryland

Sam Thompson - Ohio State

Branden Dawson - Michigan State

Hanner Mosquera-Perea - Indiana

I'm pretty proud of myself with this group. Not only are they all quality dunkers, but this would be a pretty solid starting lineup with a guy who could fill each position 1-5.

All-Jersey Team

1989 Throwbacks - Michigan

Black and Pink - Penn State

(tie) Silver/1989 Throwbacks - Illinois

Cream Made in March - Indiana

GOLD!!! - Purdue

Unlike the rest, the Purdue gold jerseys aren't new for this season, but, correct me if I'm wrong, they are undefeated so far this year and we should make them our permanent home jersey. The IU cream jerseys have yet to debut, and who knows if we will ever see them (last year's version never saw the light of day after an early BTT exit). However, I like the use of cream for the Hoosiers, and the 5 stars representing NCAA championships are a nice touch in my opinion. I really wish I could purchase a replica of the Purdue gold, Penn State black and Illinois silver jerseys, but apparently Nike hates me (please forward this article to Phil Knight).

All-International-Guys-I-Like-That-Didn't-Make-The-All-Name-Team Team

Alex Olah (Romania) - Northwestern

Gabriel Olaseni (England) - Iowa

Tai Webster (New Zealand) - Nebraska

Gaston Diedhiou (Senegal) - Minnesota

Isaac Haas (Alabama) - Purdue

I've been notified that, despite all of the vast cultural differences and odd dialects, Alabama is indeed part of the United States. However, all of these teams have had at least one Boiler so far and I am unwilling to break the trend due to a technicality.

Individual Awards:

New Transfer of the Year: Jon Octeus

The most proper award in this article goes to the man from Colin Hartman's nightmares. Octeus Prime was a true do-everything guy for Matt Painter's team, and helped spark Purdue's resurgence. This is the new transfer award, just so Terran Petteway and DJ Newbill can't argue.

Hair of the Year: Terran Petteway

Petteway is a good player who had a down year on the court this year, but his dreads were just as good as always, so he takes home this prestigious honor.

Freshman taller than 7'1" of the Year: Isaac Haas

Yay! More Purdue award winners!

Best Teammates with Rhyming Names: Kadeem Jack & Myles Mack

Congrats Rutgers, you won something.

Spoetsnansgip Awaed: Asam Wiidbury

Sorry about the typos, I had something in my eye.

Creepiest Coach of the Year: Tom Crean

#LowHangingFruit