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Earlier this evening our esteemed leader Morgan Burke announced that Darrell Hazell will be returning to coach the Boilermakers in 2016. Despite a 6-27 record, top recruits decommiting, getting blown out by mediocre opponents in Minnesota, Illinois, and Virginia Tech at home, dwindling attendance, current players regressing, and generally no discernible signs of progress, Burke made a Pravda-esque statement that there are signs of progress that we just aren’t seeing:
Purdue AD Morgan Burke sits down to talk @BoilerFootball, @BoilerBall, and all things @PurdueSports. https://t.co/y8SrVZNqyM
— BTN Live (@BTNLive) November 12, 2015
I guess the fact that Ross-Ade Stadium has not yet burned to the ground can be considered progress. Thankfully, since fewer and fewer people go there anymore no one will be hurt. What do we know about progress, however. Getting blown out by a backup quarterback (Virginia Tech), A team with no passing game (Minnesota) and a team without a coach or running game (Illinois) clearly are signs of progress!
So, we’re stuck with Darrell Hazell. Just to get to Danny Hope’s 22-27 record the Boilers would have to win the next 16 games, which with put them at 5-7 this year and a perfect 13-0 as Big Ten champions next year going into the College Football Playoff.
Burke did say that the program would be evaluated after the season, and hopefully that means John Shoop and Greg Hudson would be gone. Hudson’s defense has been hampered by injuries to four of its top five linebackers and exhaustion from an offense that has done it no favors, but Shoop has been an unmitigated disaster from day one. If Hazell has to stay because of his buyout (and let’s face it, that’s the only reason he is staying) that’s fine. Burke will really show that he doesn’t care if Shoop and Hudson both return next year.
There is a plan B, however. Purdue is not on the hook for Hazell’s $6.7 million buyout if we can convince another school to hire him! With that in mind, I took to Twitter to see if we could make a resume for Darrell:
Maybe Purdue doesn't have to pay Darrell Hazell 46.7 million to go away. We just have to convince someone else to hire him! MAKE A RESUME!
— Hammered & Railed (@HammerAndRails) November 12, 2015
Accomplishment #1: Undefeated in moral victories!
— Hammered & Railed (@HammerAndRails) November 12, 2015
@HammerAndRails Fashion trend-setter. #HazellYourHat https://t.co/Kv0XxQnddD
— I, Donut (@EyeDonut) November 12, 2015
@HammerAndRails If Hazell doesn't win another game, it'll be the shortest losing streak he's had to close a season at Purdue #OneBrickHigher
— Juan Crespo (@Air_Force_Juan) November 12, 2015
@HammerAndRails The man looks awfully good in a suit at press conferences.
— Greg McManus (@GregMcLNK) November 12, 2015
@GregMcLNK @HammerAndRails And in turtlenecks on 90-degree days.
— KristinMiller (@KristinMiller) November 12, 2015
@HammerAndRails make sure to do the usual and lie on the resume. 6-27 suddenly is 27-6
— travisty13 (@travisty13) November 13, 2015
@HammerAndRails mean response: head coaching positions too? Nice response: my guess, he might just be a better fit at Kent State.
— Andrew Schultz (@ned_yompus) November 13, 2015
So there you go! Let’s get on the phone, people. We can submit this stellar resume to schools like Illinois, Maryland, Miami, Virginia Tech, South Carolina, and others that have an opening to fill. Maybe Maryland can do it with their B1G money, or South Carolina with their SEC money.