After several days of mulling over the ramifications Ben Makowski's commitment, I am finally ready to provide the loyal readers of Hammer and Rails with the player write up they need, nay, the player write up they deserve.
Ability to Throw the Ball Between His Legs with Accuracy: Makowski is able to chuck the ball between his legs and to the punter or holder with breathtaking accuracy. I understand he can hit a dime with a snap from 20 yards.
Ability to Throw the Ball Between His Legs with Power: Makowski can put terrifying power on his snaps. Most of the time he only snaps at half power because he is still mentally scared after concussing his high school punter with a snap last year. At half power, his snaps are still more powerful than an average longer snapper at full power.
Ability to Rumble Down the Field: Makowski doesn’t run down the field, he rumbles, like an entire herd of angry Buffalos. He isn’t particularly fast or agile, but if the returner has the bad fortune to run directly into his chest, they will go down, and they will go down hard.
Too Powerful: As noted above, Makowski’s snaps are like missiles. If the adrenaline gets pumping, it’s possible that his snap may injure the punter or holder. It is rumored that Makowski spends his weekends working for a wrecking company, where his snaps are used instead of a wrecking ball.
A long snapper is kind of like your water heater; you really don’t care about it until it doesn’t work, then the world, and everything in it, is terrible. No one shows off the water heater closet to esteemed colleagues, guests, and dignitaries, but it is still an integral part of the house.
Close Your Eyes and Imagine This:
Purdue is down by 1 with 1 second on the clock. A 15-yard field goal is the only thing between the Boilers and The Bucket, The Rose Bowl, The National Championship Tournament and possible world dominance. Our field goal kicker is a perfect 30-30 on the season with a long of 70, and is rumored to be the favorite to go first in the NFL draft. The crowd is so silent you can hear Coach Hazell’s teeth grinding as Purdue lines up for the field goal and a chance at immortality. The referee spots the ball, and the long snapper clutches it in his perspiration soaked hand. He waits for the snap cadence and then rips the ball between his legs, and over the kicker's head. The kicker turns to retrieve the ball and promptly twists his knee, tearing every major ligament in his kicking leg the process, ending any chance of ever playing in the NFL, and sending him down a long road of reality television shows and substance abuse. The game is over, Purdue has lost on a bad snap, and the world falls into darkness. You wander outside in a disappointment-induced stupor and fall into a snow bank caused by a freak Thanksgiving Day snowstorm. For a moment you consider struggling, but then you become still, accepting your snowy grave because you don’t want to live in a world where a long snapper can crush your hopes and dreams.
This my friends, is why Ben Makowski is an important addition to this recruiting class. He very well might save your life one day with a perfect, game-winning snap.
Welcome to Purdue Ben. I look forward to never hearing your name again, not because I don’t like you, but because it’s never a good thing when you hear a long-snappers name.