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On a scale from 0 to 1776 we're feeling as patriotic as 1812 when we told the Brits to f*** off because we really were independent.

How patriotic are you today? Well, our eight year war with Ghana reaches its climax today at 6 p.m., but we're going to Open thread all day. We're also going to cheer for Germany because dammit, we invaded their country and made it free once again, so it was our right to rebuild it and they still owe us for that. We're also cheering for Germany because Ronaldo has a very punchable face and what the hell did Portugal ever do, anyway?

Then you have Iran and Nigeria, where we're cheering doe a meteor because that damn prince continues to not wire us the money no matter how many e-mails he is sending. Their country has people that think it is cool to kidnap little girls who have the audacity to go to school and not live their lives like property, so screw them. The meteor comes into play because their opponent would not mind seeing all of us die in a cleansing Holy fire, so screw them too.

So here is your first World Cup Open Thread. If you're not as patriotic as the guy in the picture by 6 p.m then kindly head north to Canada.