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DOWN WITH IOWA! The Enemies List

So Iowa thinks they're good at football? They win one Orange Bowl and two conference titles in the past decade and suddenly they are awesome. Everyone wants them in January because "they travel well". Well, what about their history with Purdue? It doesn't change the fact that we're 45-33-3 against them all-time, making them only the third Big Ten team (other than Indiana and Northwestern) that we have an all-time winning record against. Though we're coming off our worst home loss since losing to Indiana in 1996 when the Hoosiers were on a 15 game Big Ten losing streak, we still need to stir up some hate. There has to be fire somewhere in this program!

Lately it hasn't been good. We haven't won in Iowa City since 1992. To put that into perspective, we have won in every other Big Ten venue, plus Notre Dame, since then except for Ohio State (our last victory there was 1988). I don't count TCF Bank Stadium because we only played there once and, frankly, losing to the Gophers last year was pretty bad. Our overall history with Iowa is so good that Jim Colletto actually won there, and he didn't win anywhere.

The Hawkeyes are only 4-1-1 at Purdue since though, thanks to some strange Big Ten scheduling that has seen them off the schedule entirely in 1995, 1996, 1999, 2000, 2008, and 2009. Purdue leads the all-time series thanks to a 20-game winning streak from 1961 to 1980, so they have reason to hate us. We have reason to hate them because we're 6-18-1 since that streak. In that time, the following list of enemies have hurt us:

Black Heat Gold Pants - They think we're dirty Commies because of the Hammer & Rails logo. That, and Ricky Stanzi loves America, dammit! Well, Dasvidaniya, bitches! The Cold War was awesome, I say! It gave us the Miracle on Ice, was ended when Rocky fought Ivan Drago (according to Bill Simmons) and added drama to every Olympics matchup because you knew there was at least a 5% chance that a pissed off Soviet Union would nuke us for winning again. What's not to like? If you want a new Cold War, you've got it!

Jim Colletto - I had to add him on his because his decision making in the 17-17 tie in 1994 made sure Mike Alstott finished his career without a bowl game. Instead of pushing to get closer, Colletto was satisfied with a long field goal attempt for the win. It missed, Purdue finished 4-5-2 after a 4-1-1 start, and he famously uttered that a tie was as good as a win in the Big Ten. On second thought, maybe we should thank Iowa for this. If not for Colletto's horrible clock management and play-calling we might have made a bowl game and he would have stayed longer.

Dallas Clark - The 2002 game is forever etched as a great win for Iowa and a bitter defeat for us. Kyle Orton was knocked out of the game with a concussion, but Brandon Kirsch came in to apparently save the day. We had given up an 85 yard blocked field goal return and a 95 yard pass from Brad Banks to Clark, but led 28-24 in the closing minutes. This was also despite an interception in the red zone too, so we basically shot ourselves in the foot continuously. As is typical for us, we forgot to cover the tight end on 3rd or fourth down and Clark scored the winning touchdown on 4th down with 1:07 left. This would be repeated at Minnesota in 2005, at home against Notre Dame last year, and numerous other times because we apparently don't believe a receiver is eligible to catch passes over the middle on 3rd or 4th down. This continues to be a problem today, culimnating in Eric Page roaming freely over the middle in last week's game.

It is because of Dallas Clark and this game, I tell you!

Brad Banks - Has any Heisman Finalist ever done less in the pros? Did he even get a training camp invite? He organized the drive that killed us in that 2002 game.

Tavian Banks - We're in need of a Bank Holiday. Bad puns aside, Tavian Banks ran for 126 yards and a score as Purdue completely fell apart in Iowa City after leadin 17-14 at halftime. Purdue had just 52 yards in the second half and lost 35-17. It was Purdue's fist Big Ten loss under Joe Tiller and pissed on what would have been a surprising Rose Bowl run in 1997.

Eric Thigpen - He had two interceptions in that game.

Randy Reiners - He tried to give us that 1997 game with four turnovers, but still won as a backup QB.

Rob Thein - Another career backup that had two TD's in that game. I hate this game. Let's move on.

The 1984 Iowa Hawkeyes - For the first time since the 1960's, Purdue beats Notre Dame, Michigan, and Ohio State in the same season. This means we went to Pasadena, right? Nope! Iowa beats us 40-3 after a 3-0 conference start. Later on we lose to Wisconsin and Illinois to finish 6-3 in the Big Ten. This season also featured a 28-17 loss to Miami at Ross-Ade, giving Mrs. T-Mill bragging rights. I blame Iowa.

Shonn Greene - Hold on, I think Frank Duong just got trucked again.

Greene ran for 4,692 yards (approximately) in Iowa's last game against Purdue. Iowa wins 22-17 when Curtis Painter somehow overthrows the end zone on a Hail Mary.

Damian Sims - Are we seeing a pattern here? Iowa running backs, no matter who it is, go apeshit on Purdue when we visit Iowa City. I think Nile Kinnick's statue could go for 100 yards and two scores against us. Sims had 155 yards and two scores against us in a thorough 47-17 ass-whipping in 2006. I remember this game. It wasn't even that close.

Adam Shada - Iowa's school record for an interception return is 98 yards. You can thank Purdue for that in one of the last plays of that 2006 game. Hope you enjoy your place in the record books, Shada.

Brandon Irwin - I know he played for Purdue, but we have to blame Iowa here. Irwin tore his ACL recovering a late fumble against Iowa in our last victory over the Hawkeyes. This occurred in 2007. Irwin's season was over, and the promising young safety's career was eventually ended because he was declared academically ineligible and never returned.

Antwan Allen and George Lewis - We couldn't be undone by legends in Iowa's defensive backfield. Oh no. these two had fourth quarter interceptions to continue the 2004 post-fumble misery. Sean Considine and Marcus Paschal (who? Exactly) also had blocked field goals in that 23-21 loss.

Edmond Miles - His goal line interception in 2005 preserved a 34-17 win as Purdue was driving while down 23-17 early in the 4th quarter. This was a week after we refused to show up against Charlie Weis' first Notre Dame game against us, and the second of three straight abysmal defensive performances at home.

So as you can see, we have plenty of reasons for declaring a holy Jihad against them, and these are only from the past 30 years or so. The time for war is now, and we must turn the tide in this fight.