Whoah, hey there alt.sports.hammer-and-rails! This newsgroup must be real fidgety waiting for the new season, so I'll try and pick the games to help the time pass. I guess you guys who are stuck with 2400 baud modems can let even more time pass waiting for this to load LOL! Seriously though even with my rad new 14.4k baud modem I need to block 700k background graphics sometimes (Netscape does some cool stuff!) so page loads don't take forever.
Anyway, I really like how Joe Tiller sounds in interviews. Real optimistic but do you think he should go for a Keady combover? I have to say I wasn't thrilled with us hiring the defensive coordinator from '83-'86 when the D wasn't our strength even with Cris Dishman and Rod Woodson, but hey. He did okay at Wyoming. It'd be neat if we knew about the recruits he got, but really, it'd be a bit scary to have video of all of them. It's just great to have somewhere else to hang than alt.flame.football.notre-dame & you guys who give the occasional practice report are awesome. I'd feel greedy asking for more!
Okay, let's go.
Week 1: we really should win at Toledo. Apparently they're an ok MAC team, and I know we had that disasters at home against them after beating Cal, but we should win, even on the road, right? 35-27, us.
Week 2: Man I would love to pick a win against Notre Dame but I don't want to get greedy here. Even at home. We came close 2 years ago but we don't have Mike Alstott this year & you probably need a running game to keep up with them. Plus Ron Powlus should finally reach his potential this year. I'm an Irish hater but I gotta remain objective. 28-24, them. I just know Colletto will be able to exploit our players' weaknesses just enough as ND's OC. That is just Purdue luck.
Week 3: Uh, we have to beat Ball State, right? And it better be by a big margin or we are in trouble. 45-13.
Week 4: Maybe Northwestern will underestimate us and we'll get a lucky bounce. I hope so. I can't believe we have a losing streak against them. It looks like Gary Barnett is gonna stay a while & I can't really imagine another coach that will keep things alive. But if he goes somewhere else he is obviously gonna have a national championship contender. This is a total homer call but us, 17-14. Okay, I'll make up for that homer call later.
Week 5: After losing 6-3 5 years ago and 59-56 3 years ago I think we are due for some luck. I can't imagine Minnesota hiring someone as loopy as Jim Wacker for a loooong time because seriously. But he left a bit of a mess. 45-28, good guys.
Week 6: I think Darrell Bevell finally graduated but Ron Dayne didn't and so we get another learning experience here. 31-24. Even if we strike quickly and get two scores right away I can see them controlling the game and bleeding us to death--and that's with black and gold colored glasses on.
Week 7: Ron Turner stunk with the Bears and he's gonna stink with Illinois. He is used to losing in blue and orange. I can't even find a joke scenario where it'll work out. His idea of a good plan is that if he even has one good season at UI he'd probably try to get his old Bears job back. Sorry, I better keep my day job. 31-20, us.
Week 8: You know, someone should do something to make a silly rivalry between us and Iowa what with both us and them being black and gold. Oh never mind. That was dumb.
Week 9: this really stinks because I think we could beat MSU but we've just been such a hard luck program that maybe we look respectable but they put us away with a long drive. Or maybe they just dominate the game and I watch til the end because I'm sure we're due for a really long defensive return when they are about to score. Imagine if we had a coach that thought that way. 35-7 would be 2 plays from winning because the running back could've fumbled in the backfield and we returned it for a touchdown and a 2 point conversion. Not even Fred Akers would try to sneak that by us. Okay, the score, 27-17, them.
Week 10: Maybe we could surprise Penn State but when we got that bum call vs the refs the first time we played that was a bad sign. Plus that Curtis Enis is gonna be an NFL star. 19-7, them. Three losses in a row.
Week 11: Aw man. A bowl game on the line! I bet the seniors go crazy here. Now I'm not expecting a crazy score like 52 or 56 or 63 but I think back to that Mike Alstott game that finished 51-14 and so I'll only get a little greedy and say 49-21.
BOWL SEASON: We play some random weird team who thinks we're the random weird ones for some random weird reason and we beat them, going 7-5. The bowl is sponsored by a company I barely heard of.
So there it is, guys. I was looking for another win to get to 7 regular season wins but couldn't find it. With UM and OSU off the schedule I think we'll need to take advantage of things. Once they're off that's 2 more losses unless we get both of them at home and get some totally clutch late game plays. But I better stop dreaming now.
(P.S. if you think something was a silly reference/joke, or a lame attempt thereat, it probably was.)