A Celebration Of Excellence: Happy Ted Valentine's Day
Here at Hammer & rails we like to celebrate holidays, and today is no different. It is rare that we see excellence personified, but one of the rare place you can look for it is in Big Ten officiating. That is why today is a holiday celebrating a conference's love affair with one of the greatest officials known to man.
That's right, it is Ted Valentine's Day.
I am not the only one honoring Mr. Valentine today, as Midwest Sports Fans has already given us a pictorial of this Adonis amongst men.Valentine is loved by those in East Lansing this week for standing up to the whining baby bully that is Jared Sullinger on Saturday and allowing the Spartans to play defense on the possible Big Ten Player of the Year. it was a magnanimous gesture and a brilliant tactic that no one could have figured, especially since poor Sully is barely touched hacked to the point of multiple fractures every time he touches the ball and needs protection.
Naturally, the Buckeyes and Thad Matta never thought there would be a game where Baby Sully's protection would go away, so they had no counter, but we can thank Ted Valentine for this magnanimous gesture.
Valentine is a misunderstood man. Indiana fans loathe him, even though he made sure the Hoosiers and their precious baby Jesus, Cody Zeller, couldn't be touched by those meanies in West Lafayette. He even had the divine foresight to give Matt Painter just the second technical foul of his career, all because Painter disagreed with Zeller's takedown of Travis Carroll that, naturally, was a foul on Carroll because the lovable lummox fell on poor Zeller. Coach painter was grateful for the technical and correctional discipline.
Valentine's discernment is as unparalleled as the great Jim Burr. Each official has wisely handed out 18 technical fouls this season. Valentine is always impartial with his judgments, giving and taking with a critical eye and keen discernment. Knowing that Mr. Zeller, as mentioned above is a great player, Valentine generously gifted the Wisconsin Badgers with 19 free throw attempts in their home game against the Hoosiers, making him beloved by all in red.
Mr. Valentine loves the Big Ten, and we love him in return. He is especially loved in Bloomington, where he is welcomed like no other. Tonight he might even be welcomed with open arms in Minneapolis when the Buckeyes face the Gophers. All will be forgotten if he makes up to Baby Sully and protects him from the ferocious defense that Ralph Sampson III is known for with his toughness.
So on this Ted Valentine's Day we salute you, Ted Valentine. May your gracious wisdom continue to bless us all.
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Teddy V brings Big Ten fans together
It entertains me how Big Ten fans, even IU-Purdue fans, can momentarily put their intraconference and rivalry-induced vitriol aside on this one day every year in recognition of Ted Valentine’s awfulness. Seriously, everyone can’t stand him, and we all have our specific memories of him single-handedly altering games. For IU fans, it’s the ’92 Final Four when he fouled out almost our entire roster in egregious, unnecessary fashion. And there are oh so many more.
So it is with pride that I come to you today not to argue and fight, but to momentarily join together to rancorously lampoon this sorry excuse for an official. For me, that means a photo story. Hope you enjoy:
Somehow I missed where Travis actually linked to this in post...
Thanks TMill. Cue the idiot IU fan joke. I was so drawn to the name “Cody Zeller” in the post that I started reading right below the picture.
by Jerod Morris on Feb 14, 2012 12:51 PM EST up reply actions
don't... know... how to add... image from hard drive...
But I’m watching Teddy V disco dance right now, and it’s still not enough to make me feel anything other than utter loathing for this self-important gasbag. You’re a ref Teddy, and that’s all.
screw TV Ted.
I hope someone kicks him in the junk.
"It's an easy game, man. Easy game."
~Edgerrin James
by 87 Rides A Surfboard on Feb 14, 2012 12:59 PM EST via mobile reply actions
As much as I dislike Teddy V
I think Jim Burr is the bigger d-bag.
Buckeye by birth, but BOILERMAKER by the grace of God!
by purdue9939 on Feb 14, 2012 1:13 PM EST reply actions 1 recs
I think Burr is worse in terms of officiating ability.
But Valentine is just such a self-absorbed look-at-me-showing-up-players self-righteous jackass that he wins the biggest douche award by a mile.
/wins Bill Simmons Award for Best Use of Hyphenation
"Hey Jay, what time is it?"
"9:30"
"AND IU STILL SUCKS!"
by Boiler Bandsman on Feb 14, 2012 2:17 PM EST up reply actions
John Higgins...
Seems like we saw him a lot the past few years and seems like he was horrible every time. Though, I always hate the usual suspects… Valentine, Hightower and Burr.
Did anyone enjoy Dakich ripping on Valentine during a recent game?
I can’t remember what it was, but he basically said about a foul “That’s a Ted Valentine hasn’t been on TV lately” foul.
And then later said he wished the Big 10 would put a stop to Valentine’s theatrics.
That was just this weekend, MSU vs. OSU
and yes, I thoroughly enjoyed it. I must admit Dakich earned himself off of my shit list with that game. It was well called, and major extra credit for having the balls to call out shitty reffing when you see it.
Can you imagine the trifecta?
I understand that Hightower and Valentine won’t work together anymore, but just hypothetically speaking can you imagine a reffing crew of Hightower, Valentine, and Burr? Hightower and Valentine would make random calls for no reason other than to show up the other with how animated they can be. Burr is legally blind, he’d be wandering into the stands calling fouls on random spectators. It would be a disaster akin to the Hindenburg, by the end of the telecast the announcers would be crying out, “Oh the humanity!”
Since the topic of the day is Valentine specifically though, can you imagine if he called a Harlem Globetrotter game? He’d be calling violations on every possession, and I’m sure more than half of the team would be ejected for technical fouls stemming from their various antics.
Burr is legally blind
No, Burr is legally drunk.
A futile crusade to prevent mass ignorance
HammerAndRails, SBNation's Boilermaker Blog
How is he even a ref after that debacle in the Big East Tournament?
Reaction images? I got 'em
Senior All-American Alto Sax
Just a technical matter,
but I don’t think it was Teddy V that gave Matty his T against iu. I thought it was Pat Driscoll. I could be wrong
by mfennema on Feb 14, 2012 5:22 PM EST via Android app reply actions
Also the T wasn't on the foul call on Carrol against Zeller
It was when Oladipo’s layup was blocked but there was a call on the body contact underneath.

















