Hate Week Is Here! Our MOST HATED Rival Awaits

HATE THIS BIRD! - Reese Strickland

The intense hatred between Iowa and Purdue boils over once again.

Your resident loser, according to Danny Hope, is turning the tables. Based on this quote, I am "a loser on the outside":

Well, it's time turn things around and make us winners! What better way to remind us that this weekend the hate renews with OUR MOST HATED RIVAL!

Just thinking about the University of Iowa makes me start throwing chairs around my office in a fit of bloodlust. Remember last year:

Forget Indiana-Purdue, Ohio State-Michigan, or even the new heroes game. Here is a rivalry so bitter that Jim Delaney himself ordered a two-year cooling off period in 2009 and 2010 as he feared it would spill over into an all-out war. Our rampaging armies of engineers would spill across the state of Illinois while our school of aviation would battle clones of Nile Kinnick resurrected by the necromancy department of the Iowa Med School in the skies over Chicago. Eventually, our nuclear engineering department would have to nuke Iowa City. Remember that folks: We (especially reader Boilernuke) can make The Bomb.

Well, if the nuclear option needs to be used BoilerPaulie is a nuclear engineer and will be on Iowa's campus this weekend with a method of delivery.

In this time of tense stalemate between fanbases that are pissed off at football coaches it is important to remember why we hate the University of Iowa so much.

  • They are frauds, as they are not original members of the Big Ten. They joined for athletics in 1900, FOUR YEARS after the conference was founded. Thus, we can blame them (and coincidentally Indiana, who joined at the same time) for the evils of conference expansion.
  • They are the university of Jim Sundberg, who used to confuse poor Harry Carey back in the day.
  • Brandon Routh, possibly the most depised Superman ever, is an alum.
  • Two words: Tom Arnold
  • Two more words: Diablo Cody
  • They have yet to issue a public apology for Ashton Kutcher's career.
  • We're currently inundated by opinion polls. You can think George Gallup (Iowa 1923) for that. Is it a coincidence that Iowa now can claim four poll-based football national championships?
  • Tennessee Williams is an alumnus if you like depressing stories of abused little sisters. He even left his literary right to The University of the South, making him a damn rebel in the Civil War!
  • They lost to Indiana and pulled off the impossible. They gave Indiana hope to actually win the Big Ten in football. With two more miracles these heathens will be granted sainthood!
  • Nile Kinnick, who couldn't even land a functioning plane, is their hero. We landed on the freakin' moon! Twice! We have real men as heroes and they want to bring about the zombie apocalypse with their hero. We will let Neil rest in peace.
  • AIRBHG, which has somehow spilled over to us by hating our athletes' ACLs.
  • Iowa starts this whole political mess every four years with something called the Iowa caucuses, which I am sure is Iowan for some sort of black magic.
  • They tried to copy our colors in a poor attempt to infiltrate us. Beware anyone not in Old Gold.
  • Jim Delaney tried to stymie the hatred by decreeing we couldn't play in 2009 and 2010. Then, in a realigned Big Ten we were the first protected rivalry chosen even before Ohio State-Michigan.
  • THEY HAVE OUR TROPHY OF BADASSERY!

Badassery_medium

So, say what you want about Danny hope, but we MUST prevail on Saturday! We must rally around coach Hope and send him and the team the positive energy and good feelings that they request since it is clearly our negativity that is bringing everyone down! Be vigilant, for there are spies everywhere!

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