Dan Dakich... a hate week special

We've been treated to some stellar commentary from Mr. Dakich at a few of our recent games, which has really helped open my eyes to his true genius. Being IU hate week and all, I thought why not have a hate profile of one the IU alums I hate the most.

How do I hate you Mr. Dakich? Let me count the ways. Be it your condescending opinions, your ignorant observations, or your biased comments, you are a complete package of ass. You played for Indiana, but despite my most sincere attempt to find any statistics from your career, the only record I can find of your playing days is the fact that you barfed when you found out you had to guard Jordan. (Okay, I tried for about 10 minutes, which is probably 9 more than I should have wasted) Your coaching record? You were an assistant under Bobby Knight, one of the greatest coaches ever to live. Instead of learning anything however, you seem to have crafted a knowledge of basketball from "Coaching College Basketball for Dummies". Scratch that. Make that the Cliff's Notes of "Coaching College Basketball for Dummies". If one is to gaze upon the crap-heap that is your list of accomplishments, one will note that nearly all of it comes from your time in the shadows as an assitant. Your big break came in 1997, when you stepped up to become head coach of the Bowling Green Falcons. Your 10 seasons there are a testament to the coaching genius you profess from the commentator's seat: 156-140, 89-89 in the MAC. Wow. Your record is comparable to that of such coaching legends as.... oh wait. That's right, .500 in the MAC is pitiful. Perhaps even more astonishing is your list of postseason accomplishments. In your 10 seasons at Bowling Green, you managed an incredible 2 appearances in the prestigious NIT tournament, where you were promptly dismissed in the first round on both occasions. Bravo good sir. In fact, your only accolade from your coaching career seems to be making the list of 50 sexiest coaches. I'm not sure how that happened, either someone has a very skewed perception of the word "sexy", or you did some favors that are probably best left undiscussed. However I believe your greatest act of coaching excellence occured on February 13, 2007, when you led your team to victory, only to lose the game in the showers.

All joking aside, Dakich is that certain type of bastard with a ridiculously inflated sense of self worth and accomplishment despite having done nothing worthy of admiration. (Okay, he probably gave some money to a charity or held a camp for at-risk youths, but you know what I mean.) He speaks with the authority of a great coach with an extensive knowledge of the game, but when you look at his life's accomplishments, it's plain to see that it's all bravado. If he was even half as great as he thinks he is, he'd be coaching a top tier collegiate program, if not the NBA. But no, all he can do is sit on the sidelines and ridicule the decisions of REAL coaches, just like every other fan. The only difference is that someone in their infinite wisdom decided to give Dakich a microphone.

He is the duke of dumbasses, the sultan of simpletons, the lord of losers, and I don't like him.

Got a beef with Dakich? Let the hate flow.