Is Rob Henry screwed?

This has to end someday, right? the NCAA Football Odds in terms of injuries have to go in our favor sometime, right?

If I am Rob Henry right now I am walking around campus completely paranoid. I don't cross streets, wander into bike paths, or even risk walking up steps for fear of getting hurt. I become best friends with the training staff and get Dr. James Andrews on speed dial. If possible, He should pay a kid that closely resembles him to do all the dangerous stuff in his stead (like laundry, because at this point a static electricity charge would electrocute him). I would avoid dining halls because of the use of real silverware. Even then, I am sure something absurd is going to happen like irradiation from the school of Nuclear Engineering. It wouldn't even be the good kind of irradiation that would give him super powers. Instead, he would end up more like poor Mike Scioscia in the famous softball episode of the Simpsons:


Since 2008, the Purdue quarterback position has had a worse curse than a President being elected in a year ending in a zero. It's a widowmaker, for example:

Curtis Painter - His 2008 senior season is derailed by subpar play, then a shoulder injury. Purdue goes 4-8 and Painter misses part of four games.

Joey Elliott - A separated shoulder at Northwestern ends his season in his first major action.

Justin Siller - Starts three games, but is knocked out of the Michigan State game at one point forcing us to use 4th string Chris Bennett for a series. Later expelled for academic impropriety. Now will miss time due to a foot injury.

Caleb TerBush - Academically ineligible for 2010

Robert Marve - Tore left ACL in 2009 while sitting out due to transfer. He tore the same ACL 11 months later. Out for 2010. This is after all of his problems at Miami.

Keith Smith - One time quarterback and threw two passes last year, so he qualifies after tearing his MCL and ACL.

Dan Dierking - Threw one pass last year (for an interception) and has been hampered by injured ribs this year.

Clearly this means it is time to run the option. Of the last eight players to throw a pass for Purdue, seven have missed time due to injuries or other circumstances. Henry is the lone exception to this hard and fast rule (Bennett did not attempt a pass). This position is a widowmaker. Rob Henry is clearly doomed. Desmond Tardy is the last Boilermaker to attempt a pass and get away unscathed.

So what do we need to do to get rid of this hex. After some handy google searching, I have found some tips for ridding ourselves of hexes.

1.       Sacrifice a live chicken - It worked for Pedro in Major League, although he used a complete chicken from KFC. The nearest one is 1.51 miles from Ross-Ade Stadium.

2.       Pray to Breesus - This may not be a good idea, as Drew has a sprained MCL himself and nearly lost to Jimmy Powlus today, which would have been apocalyptic.

3.       Visit Jerusalem, insert prayer in the Wailing Wall - Can someone get me in contact with the Purdue Alumni Club of Israel?

4.       Send Rob Henry to Forks, Washington - If we turn him into a vampire he'll be invincible, super strong, super fast, sparkly, and a teenage sex symbol. Mrs. T-Mill may have suggested this one.

5.       Contact the Boston Red Sox - They did something right six years ago. We must find out.

6.       Spend $48 on this Psychic Network - Don't they already know we're going to call?

7.       Try these different tactics - It couldn't hurt.

8.       Play Curse of the Pharoahs by Mercyful Fate

9.       Build a giant pyramid over Ross-Ade Stadium

10.   Have every fan light a candle at the next home game - Bonus that we could then play a night game.

11.   Contact a descendent of William Henry Harrison - The battle where the Curse of Tippecanoe comes from took place less than 10 miles from campus. Surely there is a carryover effect. We need this relative of our 9th President to publicly apologize on campus and pass out whiskey like Harrison did.

12.   Re-direct the course of the Wabash River through Ross-Ade Stadium - Better yet, make it the Ganges since it is a holy, cleansing river.

13. Find another school to pass the curse on to - Any volunteers?

That's all I can come up with, so if you have any suggestions feel free to give them.

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